you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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