I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
