so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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