just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
