He kissed a someone with a penis
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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