Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
