Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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