I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
