Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
