They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
