This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
