Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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