If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
