doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
