You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
