She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize