Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
