He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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