Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize