just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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