saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
