just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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