I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
