just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize