I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
