I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
