I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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