A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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