how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
