she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
