How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
