now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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