I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
