it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
