I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
