I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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