My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
