Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
