just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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