"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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