Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
this is an emotional support booty call
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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