HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
