I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
