Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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