I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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