Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
