Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
