Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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