I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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