I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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