My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
