Don't make out with my wife yet
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
