I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
