my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You need Xanax blowdarts
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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