you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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