i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
