I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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