Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
being pregnant is like rehab
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
we should paint friendship bongs
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