bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Terrible idea I love it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
