I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
