I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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