Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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