o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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