I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
