Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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