i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
