so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
