Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
