It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I smell stomach acid.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
