I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
