So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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