God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
